Monday, November 30, 2015

The boyfriend



I have pledged not to be with someone who had a relationship, 'cause really what is the fucking point. But he is in one and I -almost- don't care.

Circumstances can be a bitch sometimes (boy I know about those...) but maybe they are in many cases a blessing in disguise. All I know is that there are some simpler equations: we like what we see, we pursue, we get, we either move on or continue to dig deeper and If you deem OK to use your body as a tool for discovery -like I do-  go for it. My encounters with him from day one have been the most delightful thing for my own pleasure and also from day one, I granted him some sort of trust: I have been able to look at him directly in the eyes when we fuck 'cause I have nothing, nothing to hide, this also happens to me when I get to be so outside of myself with all of my senses absolutely compromised, that truly at this point you can make me promise anything, and I will undoubtedly follow through.

Also, I need to stop right here and tell you -because this is also a time to reflect for me- he is not in any way remotely close to the type of dudes I usually date. He is not over 6'. He doesn't have blue or green eyes. He is not a blonde.
He has very short dark hair, brown eyes and has many scars -both kinds-.
He can be childish, speaks loudly and it is extremely rough around the edges, which totally makes for a good deserved spanking session. He also loves to walk around my apartment fully naked and won't feel ashamed that my huge windows are like a giant screen for my neighbors. He will show up at 4 am in the morning and will bring me fresh flowers and a bottle of anything I asked. When he rings me he talks to me, instead of wanting to close some sort of deal. He is not afraid of leaving me messages,  and can call me 'my love' with an astonishing naturality. He will show me all the joint-smoking tricks that exist in the book and would enjoy it as if he and I were 16.

Sex with him is an adventure that makes my head explode. From the moment my lips and his gets close I can tell there is nothing foreign here, everything just fits. From the moment this indelicate beast puts his fingers between my legs, right then and there I have lost all sense of will and nothing can or will stop the escalation of these intricate sensations that every time turn into a delicious exploration of every corner of us.

I must confess that with him, I am not the agressor no more and I am completely fine with it. I don't feel I want to defeat him or leave him powerless. With no one in a long time, I have felt more fememine, more exalted as a woman, more worshipped and lavished in all I am.


Maybe is the fact that he is only 28 and these dudes are totally somethin' else. Who the fuck knows. 


Thursday, November 5, 2015

Savages 2




I only had one day left in Montreal before heading back to New York. To my home and to my boyfriend.

But savage and I had to see each other again. Although everything in me was still very much sore after what we endured, just hours before, I just had to feel all of that weight in me, had to visit the depths of my instinct and decided to actively degrade my body to its lowest level to the point where I had to feel pain, was determined to be teared and torn.

We met at a bar and I couldn't be less interested on the vodka or the place or the music. This shit was NOT a date, this was called: can we just cut the crap and fuck, fuck, fuck? So I had two drinks, talked about whatever, 'cause you know sometimes I am ladylike and it's 'unbecoming' to say: Hi, can we fuck now? (blah)

So I told him. Can we fuck now?


We left and took a cab that took for fucking ever to arrive to his home. His building was O.K. clean outside, didn't look rundown or anything. Now, the entrance was another story. The moment he opened the door it seemed like the inside belonged to a building in the Bronx. Walls with cracks, peeled paint, stained doors and one of those, just missing, right across the hall from his apartment.

He said 'Oh, did I mention that I have roommates?' and I said, no. Then he added 'Oh, ok. Well I do.'
There was a long hallway and some rooms distributed on one side of the place. He took me immediatly to his room, where there was an inflatable mattress on the floor, and dishes, dishes with stuff everywhere. I sat on the mattress and opened my legs as the most direct invitation to me. He kneeled and kissed me and submitted me to the bed. Quickly, desperately and furiously I took his belt off, unzipped his jeans and he just slipped my dress off of me.

Oh God I really couldn't wait for him to be inside of me, that very thought of him just completing me with him, made me insane,
'cause I know how this feels,
'cause I love how this is,
... 'cause I long for this moment of bliss.

Savage was a smart, instictive lover. He really just let go and he just WAS.  But at moments I caught him totally gone and fucking me with wrath and hate. He could have shown me his long rows of teeth wanting to scrape the flesh off of my body.
Right then and there I allowed him continue on his sex voyage, inside of himself and just observed this human leaving it all on me.


Something else happened.