Now let's take a look at your profile. Are you guilty of any of the following? Right below you will see exactly how my brain reacts to it.
Do you appear with an earpiece?
My Brain:
Miami Vice. Or Secret Service (yumm...but no) perhaps if you were in fact Secret Service you wouldn't be on Tinder to begin with. Hiccup. Sorry, my bad. I just remembered the discreet affair with the screaming 'lady' in Cartagena.
Are you holding a fish?
My Brain: Huh?
Do you exclusively have pictures with Asian chicks?
My brain: Mmm. Swipe.
Do you appear on pictures with friends that are hotter than you?
My Brain: (I think)
The risk of me wanting to meet you, so I can meet them, is 98%
Do you only have your height as the best line you could come up with on your profile?
Do me a favor, at least show a bit of an effort and you may get laid. (two lines or less will do for me, I swear.)
Do you have more than one image when you are drunk beyond recognition?
My Brain:
Dude, spring break 1989 revival... every weekend?
In your gallery your 'pecs' look bigger than mine?
My Brain:
Pleeeease. We haven't met and you made me feel bad already? Sad Face.
Is your name Knut?
My brain:
I would have sued my parents and then I would have lied. All my life. Everywhere. What the hell.
Do you have an altered picture using any of those photo editors, where you appear with two heads and thought: 'Shit, this is so awesome!'
My Brain:
Is not. And where the fuck were your friends?. Swipe.
You have a photo of 'A' bicep, blurry as hell, no filters could have ever saved it... and that's it?
My Brain:
HUSBAND!
